The loneliness of the fair-to-middling distance runner

It's twenty past six on Thursday and I'm sitting with a cup of coffee and a wagon wheel. I'm fairly ambivalent towards wagon wheels but these were on special offer in Nisa at £1 for 6, which works out at 16.67p per wagon wheel. Not bad but I can't help feeling I should've gone for the 4 Wispas for £1 in the Co-Op. Another of life's regrets.

Anyway, I'm not supposed to be blabbering about wagon wheels (is it just me who finds they taste better if you turn them upside down?), this post is about an enduring passion of mine: Running Jogging.

I've always fancied myself as a runner, despite the fact I've never been any good at it. I blame Steve Cram for this. The emergence of the bubble-permed stick insect from Jarrow and his subsequent rivalry with those other British greats Sebastian Coe and Steve Ovett occured at just the right time to enthrall and impress yours truely. I liked him so much I even bought the breakfast cereal he advertised. But no matter how many bowls of sugary Kellogg's Start I ate, I couldn't run any faster and I soon had to acknowledge that I wouldn't be a sub 4 minute miler. Or a sub 6 minute miler come to that.

 For a while, once my schooldays had finished and there was no deranged, Kappa-jacketed PE teacher to motivate me, and no girls to try to look fit and manly in front of, I lost interest. The world of work took over and that presented a whole new set of challenges: How much could I drink without feeling sick on the bus to work next morning? (not much, I eventually settled for 3 pints, 4 if I was really living dangerously). How many pairs of ill-fitting trousers could I possess? (LOADS!!). Why couldn't I grow a moustache worthy of the name? (no answer).

Then I was made redundant. This meant I suddenly had lots of time and not much money and I needed a way of getting out the house without spending cash I didn't have. So I started going for long, lonely walks which soon turned into long, lonely jogs and I've never looked back. The physical benefits are obvious, one of the reasons I've (so far) managed to hold off the dreaded middle aged spread despite my crisp-and-biscuit based diet. Less appreciated is the mental aspect; I live alone and don't have so much as a cat or a tortoise with which to offload my stress if I've had a bad day so jogging is my substitute and I find it really helps.

So if you're thinking of taking it up, go for it! It's not easy, especially at first but with a bit of persistence you might just surprise yourself. My top tips are-

Nice scenery helps

1. Find a good route. It helps if you live in an area with some nice scenery of course, a river in my case. Not so good if you live in a concrete jungle although the threat of knife-wielding junkies and rapists can be motivation in itself I suppose.

2. Go at your own pace. Don't worry if you're slow, even if you end up walking. The sting of being overtaken by 12 year old girls and old codgers wears off eventually.

Every man needs antique shorts

3. Comfortable clothing. Also known as 'Say No To Lycra'. Like many a middle-aged man I've settled for faded shorts (originally black, now faded grey Adidas ones or my vintage Euro 96 ones) coupled with a baggy t-shirt. When winter sets in and the temperature plummets you may also want to invest in some lycra leggings but my advice (for men anyway) is to only wear them under shorts, to avoid those unsightly lumps and bumps. Incidentally, if you're after any fashion advice regarding your jogging apparel, my experience is that local schoolkids will be only to happy to oblige, whether you ask for it or not...

4. Musical accompaniment. I started with a genuine Sony Walkman (with 'MegaBass', whatever that was) but now it's all MP3s and clouds apparently. Actually I'm split on this; sometimes I like having a bit of rock music to jog along to, other times I like to hear the sounds of nature. On a practical note, the sound of a cyclist zooming past can scare the crap out of you if you're not aware of it's approach so be careful with the AC-DC.

5. Be 'Appy. If you have a smartphone or similar gizmo, there's all sorts of (often free) apps to track your jogging - how far, how fast, how many calories, ascent and descent, mile splits. They haven't developed an app to warn you of the approach of pain-in-the-arse cyclists yet (see above) but I live in hope.